Leaping Forward, Not Bouncing Back

As human beings, we are destined evolve over time both spiritually and physically. We can either embrace it or fight it, but the choice is ours. For me, my personal and greatest evolutionary change occurred when I transitioned from woman to mother. It’s no secret that the female form goes through quite a metamorphosis as it grows and then births life into the world. While it’s beautiful, it’s far from glamorous. I’ve shed my fair share of tears, not recognizing the woman looking back at me. I’ve compared myself to other mothers knowing full well that’s the quickest way to self-destruction. But the important things is that I don’t stay there. I feel it, i acknowledge it, i give myself grace and then move through, back to the light - which is quite the feat given my history of shaming myself and my body in all its forms.

I think we so often look to the past as what we are striving for in the present moment. In terms of motherhood, we hear “Bounce back after baby.” But why? Why not leap forward? If we always feel as though our past is our peak, I’m afraid we will find ourselves consistently disappointed.

For me, this evolution from woman to mother means embracing where I am presently and looking forward to what’s to come, not grieving or striving for what was. To not be triggered into harmful choices or thought patterns. To be strong, healthy and confident for not only myself but for the little eyes that are watching me. The little eyes that are looking to mama for how love and meet herself exactly where she is, recognizing that what’s going on inside matters far more than what’s on the outside. It isn’t unhealthy to want to feel your most attractive, powerful, strong, sexy or fit. The damage occurs when we put all of our stock into our physical form, never appreciating it or showing it gratitude for getting us to this point in time - when we tear it apart and shame ourselves bit by bit, expecting a perfection that doesn’t exist. All the while, we neglect our spirit and the power of our minds. I don’t move my body or make better food choices because my worth is found in a number on the scale, the size of my pants or for the approval of others. I do it because I LOVE my body. After all, it allowed me to carry and bring earth side the greatest blessing I have in our beautiful daughter. My body has nourished her, calmed her, held her, carried her and loved her. I am immensely grateful for that.

I am proud of this transformation not because I’m smaller or closer to “before” because that’s not what I’m striving for. I am proud of it because I have been kind to myself for the first time in 35 years. I’ve put peace, happiness, health and being present with my family over obsessing about how soon I can fit into my old clothes. That’s who I was, not who I am. When Evie was born, I feel as though I was reborn in many ways. I’m fully embracing this rebirth and transformation of my spirit, body and mind, hoping to be the best possible version of myself...until i evolve once more. 🤍

Best Wishes + Warmest Regards,

Steph